I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
