The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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