tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
