why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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