I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
