Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ladies don't puke and tell
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
