Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
