I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
