Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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