so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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