I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
