Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
