I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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