I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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