dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
