this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
