i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
