Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
