Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
