Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
