So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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