You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
