i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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