So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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