and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
