The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
