I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
