u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
