words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
