At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
