im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
