you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
