So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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