You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
