Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
