Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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