I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
