I'm going to jail i love you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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