So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
