sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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