i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
