HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
