we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize