Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
