i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
