hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He passed out mid-signature
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
