It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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