I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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