Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
