Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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