he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't think brook has ever known best
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
please don't ironically join a cult
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