so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
