sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
