It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
