You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
