your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
