you didnt know i had herpes?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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