you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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