Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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