He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
