I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
