hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Randomize
