You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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