Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
