Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
