he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
