shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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