just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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