lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
