Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
