She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
