I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
